Be More Cat, When It Comes To Love

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There’s a good chance that if you’ve ever been in a therapy session with me, you’ve caught a glimpse of my cats.

They tend to wander in, offering a comforting purr or simply demanding attention in their own aloof and charismatic way.

Thankfully, many of my clients - just like myself - love cats.

But it wasn’t always that way for me.

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Back in my 20s, I really disliked cats.

My Dad had a cat growing up but, despite many attempts to 'make friends', she rebuffed me over the years and eventually, with many scratches and growls later, I gave up.

I'd never met a friendly one - I thought they weren't to be trusted and should be avoided at all costs, especially if I wanted to keep my skin intact.

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However, once I'd reached my 20s, I was living in rented accommodation where a dog wasn’t permitted, and my work schedule wouldn't have been compatible either.

So, desperate for a companion, I found myself with the only option that felt like a step down from a dog - a cat.

I decided that maybe I would learn to love cats.

It was a gamble.

But one I'm eternally grateful that I took.

Enter Tiggy - a tabby cat with a lot of personality, and even more cuteness.

He was a born and bred farm dweller, long before I uprooted to the countryside, and it was love at first sight.

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I learned quickly that cats were not to be feared.

They were just like dogs, in many ways.

Tiggy responded, learned, and interacted with me in a reciprocal way I hadn't imagined.

He was sometimes 'bitey', but only in the same way as puppies are - and he knew not to go too far.

But he also reminded me not to go too far.

To love with space.

and I think that might have been one of the most valuable things I have ever learned.

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We grew to respect and love one another deeply - laughed together, annoyed one another, and comforted each other.

He wasn’t just a pet - he was my best friend.

He bore witness to house moves, heartbreaks, job changes, new loves, breakdowns and profound healing.

He was also there when I became a mother (no, not the actual birth, although I would have been up for that). He was a constant and loving presence during those life-changing years.

When he passed away, nearly 12 years later, the void he left was more profound than I could have imagined (and boy, had my Anxiety Gremlins imagined this inevitability over the years).

I cried every day for a year after he died.

I miss him every day, still.

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The Psychology of Pet Attachment

The comfort and consistency pets provide tap into a primal need for secure attachment - the emotional safety we often first seek from caregivers in childhood.

For many, dogs offer a non-judgmental presence - they don’t critique, hold grudges, or reject us.

This emotional availability, paired with the daily routines of care and affection, creates a powerful psychological connection.

In fact, research has shown that interacting with pets can lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and increase oxytocin (the hormone linked to bonding and trust).

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Cats - it's not them, it's you

Cats however, in their own enigmatic way, can teach us a lot about our attachment style and boundaries.

How we tend to respond, and feel, when an attachment button gets triggered.

Attachment patterns, formed in early relationships with caregivers, influence how we respond to emotional connection and perceived rejection.

Cats establish trust more gradually, respecting personal space while still offering connection.

Cats, known for their independent and sometimes aloof nature, can unintentionally activate these patterns, especially for those with insecure attachment styles.

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Be More Cat, Where Love Is Concerned

The behaviours of cats that are often misinterpreted as 'mean' are often expressions of boundaries rather than rejection.

Cats are masterclass teachers when it comes to personal boundaries, especially in the realm of love.

They remind us that closeness doesn’t require constant togetherness.

A cat will curl up in your lap, purring with pure contentment, only to hop away moments later, unapologetically reclaiming its space.

Mine approach me on my driveway when I get home, only to run away when I try and pet them, appearing terrified, as if a stranger is trying to cat-nap them.

But it’s not rejection - it’s self-regulation.

In fact, a cat’s ability to assert boundaries with such clarity is something humans could learn from.

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Cats, with all their quirks and quiet wisdom, challenge us to rethink connection, trust, being in relationship, and emotional healing.

The feline balance between affection and autonomy can mirror healthy emotional boundaries in human relationships.

Love doesn't mean losing oneself or being endlessly available.

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True intimacy allows for moments of connection without the pressure to merge completely.

Cats show us that setting limits doesn’t diminish love but preserves it - by ensuring both parties maintain their sense of self.

And, if nothing else, their presence can make even the heaviest therapy session feel a little bit lighter.